There exists this tiny eating joint called Tulsi in front of my workplace, which is supposed to be the Fast Food sister of a bigger and cleaner restaurant next to it called Hotel Mahableshwar. Every evening, on some vacant land next to Tulsi, my friends and I notice a bunch of middle aged men dressed fully in white, with gold chains around their necks, chewing pan, sometimes with men massaging their heads. They are the kind of people I would approach if I noticed my neighbour's house empty for a couple of months and needed some help in occupying it and claiming that the property was now mine. The owner of Tulsi and Mahableshwar sits among them, of this I'm sure, though I don't know who he his.
Now, the point of this post is to explain why my attitude towards Tulsi is identical to that towards Sanjaya Malakar. We are quite convinced that Tulsi runs only to convert the white guy's black money into white. From our experiences at Tulsi the owner doesn't seem to want any business, which could only mean more investment into the damn place. At doing this, I must admit he is quite good. When you ask him for coffee, the waiter tells you there's no milk. When you ask him for lime juice, he says there are no limes. Idli sambar is never available after 5 in the evening. Pohe is available only in the morning. His waiters are rude and arrogant and there are a million flies all around. You would think by now that this strategy of his works. But no! You're wrong! He attracts loads of people, from construction workers nearby to software professionals from neighbouring companies. Yesterday, when I saw a family in a Mercedes stop at Tulsi, I wanted to shout out loud – 'Why God Why?!! This place sucks!!! Why do so many people still bother coming here?!!'. You should not be smart to realize by now why this attitude resembles that towards Sanjaya. The guy sucked week after week, yet people voted for him and threw him back into the race. I'm not so sure any human being would like the kind of comments he received by the judges in front of millions of people. Yet, I think Sanjaya didn't mind the criticism because of the tremendous fame it was bringing him.
I just hope Tulsi finally ends up the way Sanjaya did.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Scenes from a foot path
Today morning as I was standing on a foot path waiting for my aunt, I noticed a bunch of cows walking up towards me, one on the foot path and the others walking in the middle of the road. All of them had bells around their necks so I figured they weren't stray. But these cows seemed to be doing as they pleased without anyone to monitor them. Just then I noticed this guy on a motor cycle who was riding rather slowly with no apparent purpose. It then struck me that he could be the guy who was in charge of the cows, in other words, a cowherd. I have always thought of cowherds as these small boys with sticks in their hands running after their cows. But here before me was a never-seen-before cowherd on wheels. It was funny looking at how this guy managed the cows. The brown one was going a little mad crossing the road again and again. Nothing stopped the cowherd from doing so himself with the purpose of getting the cow to behave. He then came close to the foot path as if to park and yelled something at the white cow who was lagging behing chewing something on the foot path. The cows seemed to behave well for a while after which two brown ones decided that the trash in a dustbin on the other side of the road seemed interesting. They crossed without hesitation but the cowherd couldn't. So this time he parked his bike, crossed the road, brought the cows back to the other side of the road and got onto his bike again. It was really entertaining watching this clumsy, lazy, new-age cowherd trying to manage those four naughty cows. I stood observing them for quite a while till I realized that the cowherd was looking back at me like he thought I was attracted to him, which I realized was not something I wanted him to think of me. So, I then turned to look at the old, dilapitated, still inhabited, mossy building next to the foot path which I predict is going to crumble down any day soon.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Yucky Goldstar
This post is intended at creating awareness about LG phones among all cell phone users and potential cell phone buyers. If you do not have the time to go through the entire text, I have three words of advice for you – LG PHONES SUCK!!! This post can also be treated as a tutorial on what NOT to do when designing a product from scratch. The reason I mention 'from scratch' is because once you've screwed up on your first version like LG did, theres no turning back.
It all started 4 years back when I bought my first LG phone, a simple RD 2030. The very first day that I brought it home, the backlight just wouldn't go off. That meant going all the way to the service station. The people there were most unconcerned. They did not think that a cell phone was important to people and that it might be the only means they have to talk to others. Moreover, there was just one service station in the whole of Pune. (Now I think there might be one more). The only reason I got a replacement of the instrument was because I could pull a few strings. Once I got down to using the phone, it just sucked! The menu was very badly designed and clearly not tested enough. For example, someone has given you a number on a piece of paper to call. You quickly enter it into your phone. You end up on a screen showing you the number with the correct name. You try calling the number from the screen, you cant! You have to come back to the main screen, go through the phone book to reach the number again and only then can you call. I guess some person must have been told to design the saving functionality. He did just that, nothing more, nothing less! There were several other clumsy features like the one above of which I shall not give a description. The only plus point of the phone was that it was very robust.
Two years later, my dad gifted me another LG phone, this time an RD 6130 camera phone. I was thrilled but then it turned out that this supposedly better phone was WORSE than the much simpler 2030 I owned earlier. Contrary to what happened on the first day of owning the previous phone, this time the backlight wouldn't come on! (And you thought that contrary to the first time, I didn't have problems. Ha! Gotcha!) Once again, I had to spend hours and hours at that LG service station with the rude staff and again, I had to use my contacts to get a new handset.
This phone has horrible software too, in some places even worse than the simpler 2030. Here are some of the things that I find screwed up with the phone:
1. Have you ever seen a snippet of code that runs on your phone?? I have! Snippets of Java have appeared out of nowhere on the screen!
2. Once you are inside a menu you cannot do more than one item. After doing what you have to inside a menu, you are transported back to the main screen, each time leaving you to navigate to where you left off.
3. When I connect the phone using the data cable to the computer, my phone does not show as a drive. So the only way I can get photos off it is by mailing them from the phone to myself.
4. This just has to be the dumbest feature of the phone: When I need to browse the last dialed numbers, I am shown names of contacts. When I need to browse contacts I last messaged, I am shown plain numbers. It is left to every user's memory to map numbers to names. Else note down all the numbers on a piece of paper and use their most efficient menu system to do the needful.
5. The alarm doesn't ring when the phone is off.
6. You can't save phone numbers that appear in text messages. This was something that even the simpler version had. Have you ever seen a phone that doesn't have a feature that a simpler version of the phone had?!
7. Suppose you set the alarm to some time and forget about it. Now you realize that you want to change the time you had set the alarm to. You have to go all the way down to where you set the time, click a few buttons which turn off the alarm, come out of the menu, go back into the alarm place again and set the different time.
8. You have crazy messages that pop up on the screen that you can make out were written by people with varying degrees of English proficiency. One message says “Alarm Over”!!
I can go on and on about how immature the software on this phone is.
One thing LG just doesn't realize is how to maintain uniformity across their phones. This can affect a project in two crucial ways:
1. Their customers have to go through a whole new learning curve if they buy another LG phone because all their phones behave completely different from each other. In this aspect they can take a lesson from Nokia!
2. It is obvious that their programmers are sitting wasting their time writing and rewriting code. If only they had standard interfaces, they could have reused libraries in all their phones which would have gone a long way in reducing the effects of the previous point. In this they need a lesson from Google!
These are the effects of non-uniformity across LG phones:
1. All LG phones have radically different chargers. I'm sure all Nokia users have borrowed someone else's charger at least once in their life time. You can never do that with an LG!
2. All LG phones have different data cables. Not only does the socket for the data cable differ, but also its functionality.
3. Every LG locks and unlocks with different keystrokes. On some it's Nokia style, on some it's keeping the 0 button pressed and I wouldn't be surprised if on some others it means visiting their website.
4. The 'space' and 'next word' are also on different keys for different models.
5. I'm sure it must be clear up till now that the menu structure varies drastically from phone to phone.
There are plenty of other features that vary across models, but that I'll leave as homework for you when you buy your next LG phone!
It all started 4 years back when I bought my first LG phone, a simple RD 2030. The very first day that I brought it home, the backlight just wouldn't go off. That meant going all the way to the service station. The people there were most unconcerned. They did not think that a cell phone was important to people and that it might be the only means they have to talk to others. Moreover, there was just one service station in the whole of Pune. (Now I think there might be one more). The only reason I got a replacement of the instrument was because I could pull a few strings. Once I got down to using the phone, it just sucked! The menu was very badly designed and clearly not tested enough. For example, someone has given you a number on a piece of paper to call. You quickly enter it into your phone. You end up on a screen showing you the number with the correct name. You try calling the number from the screen, you cant! You have to come back to the main screen, go through the phone book to reach the number again and only then can you call. I guess some person must have been told to design the saving functionality. He did just that, nothing more, nothing less! There were several other clumsy features like the one above of which I shall not give a description. The only plus point of the phone was that it was very robust.
Two years later, my dad gifted me another LG phone, this time an RD 6130 camera phone. I was thrilled but then it turned out that this supposedly better phone was WORSE than the much simpler 2030 I owned earlier. Contrary to what happened on the first day of owning the previous phone, this time the backlight wouldn't come on! (And you thought that contrary to the first time, I didn't have problems. Ha! Gotcha!) Once again, I had to spend hours and hours at that LG service station with the rude staff and again, I had to use my contacts to get a new handset.
This phone has horrible software too, in some places even worse than the simpler 2030. Here are some of the things that I find screwed up with the phone:
1. Have you ever seen a snippet of code that runs on your phone?? I have! Snippets of Java have appeared out of nowhere on the screen!
2. Once you are inside a menu you cannot do more than one item. After doing what you have to inside a menu, you are transported back to the main screen, each time leaving you to navigate to where you left off.
3. When I connect the phone using the data cable to the computer, my phone does not show as a drive. So the only way I can get photos off it is by mailing them from the phone to myself.
4. This just has to be the dumbest feature of the phone: When I need to browse the last dialed numbers, I am shown names of contacts. When I need to browse contacts I last messaged, I am shown plain numbers. It is left to every user's memory to map numbers to names. Else note down all the numbers on a piece of paper and use their most efficient menu system to do the needful.
5. The alarm doesn't ring when the phone is off.
6. You can't save phone numbers that appear in text messages. This was something that even the simpler version had. Have you ever seen a phone that doesn't have a feature that a simpler version of the phone had?!
7. Suppose you set the alarm to some time and forget about it. Now you realize that you want to change the time you had set the alarm to. You have to go all the way down to where you set the time, click a few buttons which turn off the alarm, come out of the menu, go back into the alarm place again and set the different time.
8. You have crazy messages that pop up on the screen that you can make out were written by people with varying degrees of English proficiency. One message says “Alarm Over”!!
I can go on and on about how immature the software on this phone is.
One thing LG just doesn't realize is how to maintain uniformity across their phones. This can affect a project in two crucial ways:
1. Their customers have to go through a whole new learning curve if they buy another LG phone because all their phones behave completely different from each other. In this aspect they can take a lesson from Nokia!
2. It is obvious that their programmers are sitting wasting their time writing and rewriting code. If only they had standard interfaces, they could have reused libraries in all their phones which would have gone a long way in reducing the effects of the previous point. In this they need a lesson from Google!
These are the effects of non-uniformity across LG phones:
1. All LG phones have radically different chargers. I'm sure all Nokia users have borrowed someone else's charger at least once in their life time. You can never do that with an LG!
2. All LG phones have different data cables. Not only does the socket for the data cable differ, but also its functionality.
3. Every LG locks and unlocks with different keystrokes. On some it's Nokia style, on some it's keeping the 0 button pressed and I wouldn't be surprised if on some others it means visiting their website.
4. The 'space' and 'next word' are also on different keys for different models.
5. I'm sure it must be clear up till now that the menu structure varies drastically from phone to phone.
There are plenty of other features that vary across models, but that I'll leave as homework for you when you buy your next LG phone!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The effects of Global Warming
Recently, articles on Global Warming are all around the place. People are blaming Global Warming for this, that and the other.
I am angry with certain things too and since I don't know who to blame, I blame Global Warming for the following:
1.The years just whizzing past. Seriously 2007 started just the other day and we are already in April. Before I know it, it'l be August and I'l be off to the US and just after I arrive there, 2007 will end!!
2. The number of sparrows in Pune having decreased significantly. As kids, there used to be so many sparrows all around us. I remember, at all times, at least a couple hanging out on our kitchen window sill. But they've just disappeared!
3. Pune making headlines all over India for its rave parties. When did Pune change? It was once this quiet city known as a pensioner's paradise. People cycled all over the city and didn't die doing it.
4. The fountain in front of Pune University having been destroyed. I remember walking down Senapati Bapat Road to hang out at the fountain every weekend. The spot where that beautiful fountain once stood is now absolutely chaotic!
Lets curb Global Warming together!! I want the fountain back!!
(If you do figure out how Global Warming could have brought about the above changes, do leave a comment.)
I am angry with certain things too and since I don't know who to blame, I blame Global Warming for the following:
1.The years just whizzing past. Seriously 2007 started just the other day and we are already in April. Before I know it, it'l be August and I'l be off to the US and just after I arrive there, 2007 will end!!
2. The number of sparrows in Pune having decreased significantly. As kids, there used to be so many sparrows all around us. I remember, at all times, at least a couple hanging out on our kitchen window sill. But they've just disappeared!
3. Pune making headlines all over India for its rave parties. When did Pune change? It was once this quiet city known as a pensioner's paradise. People cycled all over the city and didn't die doing it.
4. The fountain in front of Pune University having been destroyed. I remember walking down Senapati Bapat Road to hang out at the fountain every weekend. The spot where that beautiful fountain once stood is now absolutely chaotic!
Lets curb Global Warming together!! I want the fountain back!!
(If you do figure out how Global Warming could have brought about the above changes, do leave a comment.)
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Bloopers in The Namesake
I watched The Namesake yesterday and noticed some bloopers in the movie.
There are two anachronisms:
It is the year 1961. The scene depicts a porter carrying a trunk belonging to A. Ganguli at Howrah Station. If you observe carefully you can see an advertisement for IndusInd bank in the background.
This time its 1982. The family has come to Calcutta for a few months. You are being shown random shots depicting life in Calcutta. One such shot features a tram with the following advertisement on it ‘Over 40 ATMs across Calcutta’.
There were a few more mistakes that a friend and I noticed.
The Ganguli family is at the airport leaving for Calcutta. Their baby daughter Sonia is missing in the scene. Neither of them is holding her. Suddenly in the next shot, the baby reappears in Ashoke’s hands. This can be labeled as a continuity error as explained by my cousin who’s into Mass Communitcation. :)
Ashima recites Daffodils when the prospective groom’s family visits her’s for the first time. When she reaches the last line, her to-be father-in-law being fond of the poem himself, recites the last line with her. However, in flashbacks that follow in the rest of the movie, the lines are recited by Ashima alone.
There is another audio flashback of a man telling Ashoke to pack his bags and see the world, which is not in the same language as the original delivery of the dialogue earlier in the movie.
Do you have any more to contribute?
There are two anachronisms:
It is the year 1961. The scene depicts a porter carrying a trunk belonging to A. Ganguli at Howrah Station. If you observe carefully you can see an advertisement for IndusInd bank in the background.
This time its 1982. The family has come to Calcutta for a few months. You are being shown random shots depicting life in Calcutta. One such shot features a tram with the following advertisement on it ‘Over 40 ATMs across Calcutta’.
There were a few more mistakes that a friend and I noticed.
The Ganguli family is at the airport leaving for Calcutta. Their baby daughter Sonia is missing in the scene. Neither of them is holding her. Suddenly in the next shot, the baby reappears in Ashoke’s hands. This can be labeled as a continuity error as explained by my cousin who’s into Mass Communitcation. :)
Ashima recites Daffodils when the prospective groom’s family visits her’s for the first time. When she reaches the last line, her to-be father-in-law being fond of the poem himself, recites the last line with her. However, in flashbacks that follow in the rest of the movie, the lines are recited by Ashima alone.
There is another audio flashback of a man telling Ashoke to pack his bags and see the world, which is not in the same language as the original delivery of the dialogue earlier in the movie.
Do you have any more to contribute?
Friday, March 30, 2007
An ordeal called weight loss
An Iranian lady at my Yoga class has desperately been trying to lose weight for the last couple of months. So, she walks before class, does a whole lot of Yoga in class and then walks after class too. Judging from how determined she seems to lose weight, I'm sure she's up to a lot more during the rest of the day too.
This morning she was particularly happy about something, noticing which we asked her what her source of joy was. It turned out that she had managed to lose a kg. On hearing this, a rather talkative lady drowned all the Iranian lady's joy in a second by mentioning that today's newspaper featured an article on Adnan Sami who has managed to reduce his weight from 200 kgs all the way down to a 100 odd kgs!!
Considering how difficult it has been for the Iranian lady to lose just a single kg., I can imagine what Adnan must have gone through to lose a 100 (!!) kgs.
An interesting account of Adnan's ordeal here.
This morning she was particularly happy about something, noticing which we asked her what her source of joy was. It turned out that she had managed to lose a kg. On hearing this, a rather talkative lady drowned all the Iranian lady's joy in a second by mentioning that today's newspaper featured an article on Adnan Sami who has managed to reduce his weight from 200 kgs all the way down to a 100 odd kgs!!
Considering how difficult it has been for the Iranian lady to lose just a single kg., I can imagine what Adnan must have gone through to lose a 100 (!!) kgs.
An interesting account of Adnan's ordeal here.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Driving Sanjaya out
Aren't you amazed at how Sanjaya Malakar manages to evade being knocked off Amercian Idol in spite of being such a terrible singer?! Every week just when I'm thinking, ok, this is his last, he manages to surprise me and be back for the next show. Now, we all know whats making him stay on. No, its not his pony-tail mohawk or his salon-done eyebrows. I'm pretty sure its the huge Indian community in the US voting to keep him in though I'm not sure why they would do such a thing. I'd be shocked if Indian kids his age, growing up in the US, were voting for him, because he's just too embarrassing a candidate to be supporting.
What irritates me the most about him is that his staying on is depriving other, more worthy, competitors the chance to advance on the show. It reminds me of the 2004 season of American Idol when an average Jasmine Trias got the whole of Hawaii to vote for her thereby knocking out Latoya London who was a strong contender for the title.
I believe that the system of voting on American Idol is flawed if people like Sanjaya and Jasmine are going so far in the competition just because of strong community support. They can only be knocked out in the very final stages of the competition when voting becomes more concentrated towards potential winners. Hence, I have thought of a simple correction to the voting system that is fair and that will nullify the effect of such community support. I propose that instead of people voting for their favourites on the show, they should vote for people they think performed worst. If this were to be applied to the current season, the supporters of all the participants other than Sanjaya would have voted for him thus throwing him out of the show instantly. As for the Indian community, they would have been left confused over who to vote for. No amount of collaboration on their part would be able to save Sanjaya's skin.
What irritates me the most about him is that his staying on is depriving other, more worthy, competitors the chance to advance on the show. It reminds me of the 2004 season of American Idol when an average Jasmine Trias got the whole of Hawaii to vote for her thereby knocking out Latoya London who was a strong contender for the title.
I believe that the system of voting on American Idol is flawed if people like Sanjaya and Jasmine are going so far in the competition just because of strong community support. They can only be knocked out in the very final stages of the competition when voting becomes more concentrated towards potential winners. Hence, I have thought of a simple correction to the voting system that is fair and that will nullify the effect of such community support. I propose that instead of people voting for their favourites on the show, they should vote for people they think performed worst. If this were to be applied to the current season, the supporters of all the participants other than Sanjaya would have voted for him thus throwing him out of the show instantly. As for the Indian community, they would have been left confused over who to vote for. No amount of collaboration on their part would be able to save Sanjaya's skin.
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